Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
