He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
