The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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