I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
