I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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