JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
