I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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