just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize