i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
