Got a toothbrush?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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