You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
