Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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