I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
