so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
