I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
