im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize