I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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