how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
