I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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