Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
