Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
