Can Purell be used as lube?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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