Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sarcasm needs its own font
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize