I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
