Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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