I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
