my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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