I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
