Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
