Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
