Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
