ugly people sure do ruin things
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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