What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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