Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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