We won't sleep together?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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