just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want her autograph on my taint
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
