either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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