I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
