I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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