She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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