he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
