May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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