I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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