i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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