I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
