I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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