he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
