Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
