He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
