Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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