If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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