we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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