Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
