Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
