i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
