if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
