Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
