Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize