Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
