I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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