Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
did i just pee glitter
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