Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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