I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
