That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
