It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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