you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
