Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
