At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
