she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Randomize
